Saturday, April 30, 2005

e dentist.
went to see e dentist 2day. been plagued by this horrible pain in my teeth. damn. felt a bit lyk frodo, coping wif some wound tt hurts every yr after it happens... so anyway, e dentist gave me a piece of gd news & a piece of bad news. gd news: its not a teeth or problem, meaning no extraction. bad news: e problem could be a lot worse. she gave me anti-biotics & some painkillers. gotta see her in 2 wks if e problem persists. if it does, then i'll haf to see a specialist. damn.

just realised tt my last few entries haf been pretty gloomy. gotta apologise to u guys hu bother reading my blog. i hope tt reading my entries haven't put a dampener to ur day. it's just tt it's been a difficult time, struggling wif sch & all, & obviously still tinking abt her. hai. ok... tink positive..

sunderland r back for next season. just won e league championship. down to wigan & ipswich to take e last automatic spot. wonder hu will go down. if e saints lose 2nite, they r as gd as relegated. sad to see them go down. they've been ard for as long as i can rmb. but football has no sympathy...

nba playoffs in full swing as well. miami look strong. got a 3-0 lead now. shld advance. phoenix oso. i tink these 2 damn strong. champs could be between e 2 of them.

following sports lots. helps me take my mind off things. but still, she haunts me when i sleep. got nth else to tink of. just me, alone. & she'll always be there. in my head. can't stop tinking...

i heard the crickets at 6:23 pm


Friday, April 29, 2005

so e common tests haf kicked off. survived 3 of them. got another 3 coming up. so much to do, so much to study. but e problem is i don't feel lyk studying. not in e mood @ all. i noe. i noe e 'O's r coming. & i noe if i don't do well, i'm gonna disappoint ppl. my parents. e teachers. me. but i can't get myself started. damn. e pressure's on. but i'm not responding.

well, it's e end of april. been a long month. been thru a rollercoaster ride of emotions really. i'm really tired. just so spent. it's gd there's a holiday on mon. but i doubt it will do e trick. just how do u cure aches, aches buried deep inside?

my life is getting gloomy all round. Utd haf not been doing well. only got e FA Cup to look forward to. 2 yrs. 2yrs wifout e league title. i've forgotten how it feels to haf e team steamrolling opponents. i've lost tt winning feeling. hope a win in e final will cure tt. next season will hopefully be better.

it hurts terribly. so near yet so far. tt abt sums up my situation. missing her...

i heard the crickets at 5:49 pm


Sunday, April 24, 2005

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think
I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you
I'm weak
It's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know
What you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

ryan cabrera - true

i heard the crickets at 7:01 pm


Saturday, April 23, 2005

woke up 2day feeling extremely miserable. still tinking of her. hai...
went for study grp. turned out only 3 bothered turning up. come on guys, bk came up wif this for a reason, so be a sport & come.
e rest of e day was slow moving. can't stop tinking of her. i noe it's impossible between us, @ least until e 'O's are over, but i just can't... i just can't... it hurts lyk hell... damn...

i heard the crickets at 6:26 pm


Friday, April 22, 2005

Happy bd Andrea!

ytd. boeing boeing. ended feeling gloomy on e inside. it was a fantastic play, but i couldn't help but tink abt her. just spent most of e 2hrs doing tt. see, i can multi-task... couldn't sleep... thought of her e whole time...
injured my lower back ytd during PE. fell awkwardly when turning ard e ball. hurt lyk hell last nite. made me feel all e more worse, although e pain in e back couldn't compare...
woke up 2day feeling quite awful. as usual really. been lyk tt for a while. in fact. this mood followed me for most of e day. esp. hist, stupid verma just made me feel worse.
e karaoke com. was ok. some off-tune, & by e time it was over, we were all quite bored. stupid steven was so damn noisy. tah boleh tahan sia. he just can't shut his bloody mouth. stupid fella.
went ard e sch looking for e guys after tt. shld haf guessed earlier. spent e next hr or so joking wif them. so much for study-grp. then went for lunch. tt stupid arse came along. managed to piss him off yet again. ole!

it's just getting difficult. it's a turning into a struggle. i'm just tired..

i heard the crickets at 5:58 pm


Wednesday, April 20, 2005

e morning got off in quite a horrible way. just sleeping, deep slumber by e way, until i felt this voice, not humane, but in a strange way female, screaming into my face. i could almost feel e breath on my face. i awoke wif a start. there was nth there... it was hellueva creepy, tt voice. it just makes my skin crawl...

so there was morning digest 2day. quite ok la. abit of shaking, but other than tt fine. couldn't haf it any better way. verma's lesson was boring la. so was woon's towards e end. e faggot's was even worse. luckily sit wif eric, jovin they all. make e 'lesson' interesting. e rest were ok...
tmr's boeing boeing! yeah! can't wait. anticipating...

i heard the crickets at 9:11 pm


Tuesday, April 19, 2005

sch was ok, just spoilt by a particular moron.
wasn't in a gd mood be4 recess. just felt really bothered & blue. hai. then during recess cheered up lots. buddies really do wonders for ur mood :) then physics passed quite ok. e bloody moron made us do some circuit thing. damn waste time. so fine. better than him toking. then wad really pissed me off was after tt, during bio. e bloody faggot came to class & caused a ruckus, somemore ask his students search our bags for 1 bloody screwdriver & another stupid cutter. bastard la. wanna search urself la, u bloody dog! knn la! then bio, lela told me not worth getting angry. after tinking abt it, thought she was correct; no use getting angry over tt rotten scumbag. then after tt, all forced to go back to tt faggot's lab for bag inspection. wasted every1's precious time. bloody bastard. then still say so much rubbish. wtf.
after tt went kfc. basket la u all. told u i coming liao. all zhao 1st. then pissed e arsehole off (hurrah!). after tt went library wif jen, jaime & wj. rented 1 of those conferences rooms. damn throw face sia. kena told off by some guy. si eh lao kui. pretty worth it la, other than tt lao-kuiness. finished hw, did some reading, found a few new songs.
tmr's morning digest. looking forward to it. weird huh? but i look on e bright side. u only do it once in your TMS life. so go for it! cheer me hor!

i heard the crickets at 9:27 pm


Sunday, April 17, 2005

okay. so after a little snooping around, i haf this sneaky suspicision tt my 2.4 run was much better than i thought. daniel mak told me i got 10.55, since he got 11.00++. if its true, yeah! but really not in tt great a mood la.
Utd play newcastle 2nite. its do or die. gotta beat them. last chance @ a trophy. its been a horrible season. its gone all wrong rite frm day 1. e league was out of reach frm e 1st game, & in europe, we just don't haf e quality to bully e opposition into submission anymore. after every loss, my heart just aches. being so great a club, we don't deserve it. we deserve better. we shld be winning titles, not fighting for 2nd. tinking abt it just makes my wk worse than it already is. a loss 2nite would finish off e team, signal fergie's departure. hai.
gotta thank ml. listen to me tok abt my problems. i'm sure she has problems of her own, but she patiently listened. thx ml. owe u 1. & cheer up, u & dora, i'm sure they r sorry abt e whole incident ytd.
sch. her. utd. its all driving me nuts. damn. wish i could just go back to those happy-go-lucky days, but life ain't lyk tt. wake up dude! life's gonna move on wif or wifout u...

i heard the crickets at 12:49 pm


Friday, April 15, 2005

been feeling blue recently. not smiling as much as i would like to. i guess its all because of her. but, perhaps i worry too much. she doesn't exactly know, i think, so why do i feel so downcast? i feel terrible when i see her with other guys. it kills me. it shouldn't be my problem. just why am i so bothered? have been thinking. i think i should just put these feeling aside, concentrate on e 'O's first, before i think of these things. perhaps, perhaps i should. leave it till then, leave it...

forget, forget, forget...

i heard the crickets at 5:47 pm


Thursday, April 14, 2005

long day. long.
2.4km in e morning. damn. so looking forward to playing football. niwae, ran 11.55. thought it was pretty gd, till i realised tt in other classes i'd be @ most an average. damn. then physics test. ok la. but not in e mood for tests really. spent most of MT running ard. zetong's got this really bad rashes. might be an allergy. alvin tinks its some hong mo or sth. trust e guy. so zetong went home early (surprise). bio was mostly daydreaming la. chem was boring, save shawn. kept me awake. maths oso not very interesting. only gd thing was i finally figured out how to do a few qns, & test postponed to Mon (yippee! :D). hw time oso kinda boring. steven unusually quiet as hw time progressed. sth wrong wif him. hw time 2day jus stretched on for ages. can't believe it.

felt really hollow 2day. don't understand y. got e blues. she's.. always on my mind. but it ain't sweet no more. feel terrible when she's ard other guys. hai. it's killing me man, it's killing me...

Happy Birthday Mom!

i heard the crickets at 5:48 pm


Tuesday, April 12, 2005

it's been a long 48 hrs. really damn long. i've got all these things floating ard my head. hw, tests, e 'O's... it's jus mind-boggling. my whole life seems to jus revolve ard bks & sch. it's jus horrible. everyday, it's being drummed into us tt e 'O's are coming... blah blah. i'm so sick of it. & it's only April. 2 wks to common tests. haven't started studying yet. damn. 1 & a half yr's work in 2 wks. how is it possible? stupid system.
chi results back today. lyk shit. below expectation. gotta work harder. ALOT harder. hai.
e last 48 hrs haf been exhausting. tt stupid steven is still rubbing e loss in. i can't stand him no more. can't shut his bladdy big mouth. i've had to stay up a little later to try & finish hw. which of coz can't happen (e finishing... not e trying).
a fair play tournament tmr. not fair. we're not in it. we didn't haf a single card. & we're not in. stupid la. makes my wk a lot worse. well @ least tt frees up tmr afternoon. yeah, lyk tinking tt way would work...
feeling really tired... dead tired. hai.

tinking abt her again. only comforting thought now...

i heard the crickets at 6:03 pm


Sunday, April 10, 2005

i've been feeling blue all day. can't believe it. we lost to norwich. i'm totally crushed. expected to sweep them aside. but hell. bet tt stupid steven will rub it in tmr. not looking forward to tmr. damn. i jus don't understand it. a club so great, can go frm euro champs to this in 6 yrs. i'm jus shattered. we need change. this summer all e chuff has to go. bellion, miller, kleberson... jus to name a few. they disgrace e Utd shirt. we need champions playing for us. essien for 1. we need men lyk him. hai. tinking abt all e changes we need to make jus makes all e probs we haf more evident. damn. hate glazer. go to hell!
coming wk is full of tests & all. damn. O lvls creeping on even closer. hate this thing weighing on my mind. don't enjoy myself even when i'm relaxed. hate this shit. hate e system. makes every1's lives hell.
niwae. SYF's in town. so e choir won gold. hui yan not too happy. puts e pressure on all e other grps. hey, cheer up. i'm sure u guys will do well. CO will do well. so jus relax.
to e band members, flor, pinyi, haojie, hanling & aiysha... gd luck for tmr. get gold! woo~!
smallville's back. but it ain't as interesting as be4. i prefer e days when clark was jus learning of his abilites. now its so troubled. no more carefree ppl. jus a bunch of ppl struggling wif death, secrets, & all sorts of funny UFO thingys. can't stand it. @ least action's starting. keeps me frm sleeping.

can't stop tinking... whole day, it's been lyk tt. can't get her out of my head... hmm.. tink i've said this lyk tt many times.. muz rephrase... niwae... tts not my point... e point is.. arggh.. 4get it.. tinking of her..

i heard the crickets at 5:38 pm


Saturday, April 09, 2005

Ubin was shiok man!
morning all there cept for wj & jaime. dunno y they went. muz haf been up to no gd... as usual. then took 2. reached changi village then eat. met up zh. then took e bumboat to ubin. once there, rent bike &... woohoo~! e wind damn nice man. hardly get this sort of wind. but e uphills were hell man. very chi li. really exhausted aft each 1. luckily for those downhills. went round e island. next time cannot let jaime lead. led us on a wild goose chase for tt quarry. refused to listen to e locals. bladdy hell. wasted every1's energy. so we cycled for a few hrs. then went back. abt 4. then ate prata @ changi village. was really oily, e curry. but e prata was shiok. then took 2 back. we all pushed wj to jaime, until jaime tah boleh tahan. then she pinched jen. all e noise we made caused e ppl in front to look around. damn lao kui. si eh paiseh. leonard e most calm. pretend to sleep. so every1 tot he got nth to do wif us.
really shiok man. muz do this more often.

jus realised tt 2day marks 1 wk since pop. for e sec 3s, i'm sure it has been a long wk. their 1st wk more chaotic than ours. but wad to do. we too li hai :D it feels really funny wifout e room. not so funny wifout e pracs la, of coz. tt room. hai. damn miss it man.

still tinking of her... can't stop....

i heard the crickets at 6:35 pm


Wednesday, April 06, 2005

been an ok day. nth exciting happening in my life. hai. 2day, roomlessnisitis kicked in again. frm a nice big room, to squatting on e curb. ouch. it hurts jus tinking abt it. feels damn funny wifout e room as a sanctuary. @ least we r trying to find an alternative meeting point. amuses us @ least (see how boring my life is!).
ah... rmb sth. met chong sian on e bus last wk. changed alot. but then again, not tt much. he's different now, in ways quite subtle. toks more. more outgoing. suppose tts gd. so we talked. found out tt jun jie is now @ 1.8m (wah lao!), & tt he still keeps in contact wif erica, & probably some others. somehow, no 1 (wc was there too) noes wad happened to haosheng. he's been off e radar for 3 yrs now. not tt we really r interested to noe wad happened to him :X chong sian oso toked abt pickup lines, or @ least e 1s he's using. simply go up to them & ask for their nos. & work frm there. really brave i tink. but surely damn embarassing if kena rejected. but his skin is thick enuf =p ...

i heard the crickets at 8:31 pm


Tuesday, April 05, 2005

1st tues prac since pop. felt really weird not being involved. it jus doesn't feel rite. so was did not using e room. felt really funny squeezing wif every1 else in e canteen. need to find a new hangout. i kinda wish there was still some form of np for us, but i tink tt wouldn't be really possible. aft all, lyk e saying goes: there's no everlasting banquet. gotta get used to it. hai.
played football instead, aft doing abit of work in e library. abit recre @ e start, but once e NCC guys joined in, it became a sort of a free-for-all. legs everywhere, but little of e ball. haven't had such a physical game since i stopped playing @ e void deck. but it's gd prac for e com.
gotta speak again for e karoake rubbish. don't lyk it. but can't do a thing abt it. damn.

since i gave up, i've felt a little liberated. but i can't forget...

i heard the crickets at 6:04 pm


Monday, April 04, 2005

ok, chi test tmr. shldn't even be here. oh well...
a pretty gd day, save all e hw. this all jus proves my point tt teachers jus take advantage of hw time to pile excessive amounts of work on us, innocent & defenceless students. we haf done no wrong, y muz we endure such a horrible fate?
2dae's e official last day tt we can access e room. had a long gd look arnd. felt really empty, noeing tt it was finally e end. i can feel it coming. tt emptiness will jus reveberate on for a few wks... maybe mths. sure gonna miss e room. e ppl. esp e ppl. it's gonna be a weird time frm now on. gotta get used to it. hai.
audra didn't come 2day. yay! 1 less boring lesson of hers. so did e summary points, & chem. gd to haf some semblence of hw time. not some stupid english rubbish.
so wif e stupid new decision to put back PAE, we now haf common tests for all subjects. thx a lot MOE. u morons sure make our lives pleasant...
got 3 ss sbqs to finish... damn

i heard the crickets at 5:26 pm


Sunday, April 03, 2005

jus cut my hair... looks lyk shit. i now look lyk a butcher/criminal...

i heard the crickets at 5:48 pm

so it's finally over. POP has come & gone. 4 yrs of sweat, tears & blood.

yesterday began rather well. woke up too early for my liking. but reached sch in a really gd mood. we turned e room upside down for e final time. filmed down all sorts of things. sang wj's song... haha... then all went to change to full-u... damn shiok, wear ssgt & 1st class. we winded tt moron up by posing in front of him & wj's cam, all e while saying "united ssgt". then it rained. so all sat inside. & waited. practised a bit. then finally, aft a long while, e rain cleared. so we had a few run-thrus, be4 e very last parade. e parade felt unique. it's a feeling tt can't be replicated. i'm sure i'll nv 4get tt feeling. a sort of adrenline rush. woo~! it was a great parade, although we all made mistakes we all shld not haf. congrats wj & jaime. BUC for 2004-05!
aft tt, we put away e rifles. went for lunch. chiong e hall. then we all had a tok wif humji & ivan.
then e concert. quite interesting really, all e speeches, cept 4 tt moron. helluva long speech, more lyk a sermon. couldn't stand it. nearly fell asleep. e performances were ok oso. my only grouse was... WHEN on earth did i become macho man?! so anyway. 2405.. u guys did a great job. thx for making it great.
towards e end, e tears flowed. faizal, qazim, & e girls cried. huiyu cried. some of e guys were close to crying too. it was kinda emotional... e atmosphere. so e passing of e key was done in tears. lotsa hugging & all.
then e debrief. e sec 2s. they haf a grown alot. i tink i've mentioned it be4. but they really haf. so e last debrief. really special. hope they go on fighting, don't gif up & show e world jus a gd a squad they r.
aft tt went seoul garden, of coz aft going home to shower 1st. had a great meal, maybe too much meat, i'm kinda of sick of it now. had a really great time. hope we can do this more often.

4 yrs of slogging it out. 4 yrs as buddies. 2304, u guys rock!

i heard the crickets at 11:22 am


Friday, April 01, 2005

it's been a long long wk. really tired.
i don't noe y, but this wk has jus sapped me totally. i feel tt i'm being squeezed, & i can't breath.i'd probably be ok aft e wkend, but rite now... i jus need a break. a long 1 would be great. can't stand all e O lvl thingy.
2day's e last day of e zhuo wen ban (or @ least tts wad niu said). so every1 abit slack. we all finished quite early. then i went to tampines sports hall wif wj, jaime & zh. met up wif jen, leonard, ant, ml, & dora. then played football till jus be4 6... then came back. so we finally got e mp3 for wl... yay~! & we got sy a CD... abit diff la... but we did lose wl's mp3...
tmr is pop. abit conflicted now, abt it. but oh well. @ least now on i can concentrate on my studies. e only thing i'm worried abt for pop is tt i haven't done up my full-u... hai... better start. & do a gd job abt it. last time i can do it.

i'm gonna stop. i'm gonna gif up. she...

i heard the crickets at 5:58 pm


Ginger & Garlic